


Sweaters

by Naughty_Yorick



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, F/M, Nancy is bi, Past Relationship(s), becomes nancy/jonathan, probably a happy ending anyway, starts nancy/barb, swearing n stuff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-08
Updated: 2016-11-08
Packaged: 2018-08-29 22:40:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8508310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Naughty_Yorick/pseuds/Naughty_Yorick
Summary: Nancy reflects upon her relationship with Barb - and a lost sweater makes her think about how she really feels about someone else.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> I love Nancy/Barb. Shame, really. #Barbdeservedbetter

She sat down on the edge of the bed, surrounded by old clothes, old books, old memories. She turned the phrase over in her head, not quite daring to let it hit her tongue just yet. Before all of this, she’d have spoken to Barb. But now – now it was all different. She’d have told Barb, constant, reliable Barb, who would have consoled her. She would have..they would have...

She tried to squash that thought down too.

She wanted to tell Jonathan, but that too was impossible, impossible in a completely different way.

No. She corrected herself. Not completely different.

Nancy felt a hot pang of shame to think that the only one she could talk to now, really talk to, was her kid brother and, she supposed, his weird friends. She knew they were down there in the basement right now, playing D&D and throwing fireballs at each other, desperately trying to pretend that nothing had changed.

That’s what Steve had been, really. When everything around her went to shit – even when she felt herself change. Steve was something she could force to remain. Even he had changed, too, she had to admit – and for the better. But he was still Steve, still a bit of a bad boy, still obsessed with kissing and tits and sex.

He had reminded her too much of Barb. It was why she stayed, and why she had to leave too. When they were together, all she could remember was that night, imagining how Barb must have felt, alone out there with that - that thing.

She missed Barb more than Steve, or Mike, or Jonathan knew. That night at the party she’d made a choice - a choice about how she wanted people to see her, about what was important, about what she felt she ought to do.

Shed promised herself she'd never tell a soul. She never truly admitted it to herself - not until it was too late. Shed dragged Barb around the mall looking for the perfect fucking sweater for a whole day. She’d hated it, deep down, and she new Barb had too. But their silent agreement - an unconscious decision to ignore it all - stopped them both from admitting it.

When she put it on later that night in the front seat of Barb’s car, surrounded by dense trees and empty roads and Barb’s warmth, she basked in the familiarity of it all, and how alien it had suddenly become. Barb had asked if she was wearing a new bra - and, thinking back, Nancy couldn't remember if she’d just imagined the hurt in her voice.

She could remember, still, those fumbles in the dark and the touch of soft skin. It's what girlfriends did, she told herself. What friends who were girls did. Practising kissing.

But she had no one else to ask and her only frame of reference was shitty movies and even shittier TV shows. She had resolved, once, to ask someone else, to assure herself she was normal. But that week was the first time mike had come home almost in tears after the rumours had started.

She’d listened at the door that night to her parents talking.

“Some kid called him a fag,” her mother had said.  
“He’s a loner.” Had been the reply.  
“Do you - do you think?”  
Then the crumple of a closing newspaper.  
“Do I think he’s a queer?”  
Silence. Nancy felt it lasted an age.  
“No, honey. He’s just a late bloomer. He’s a nice, normal kid. Those other kids are just bullies.”  
There had been a sigh of relief. And more silence. Then the clink of wine glasses.

Nancy had decided to keep her mouth shut.

But that was all over - brutally, it was no longer a problem. But it hung there in the back of her mind.

Steve had reminded her of Barb, of that night. He knew but he couldn't understand. He couldn't cope with the nightmares, with the paranoia. When the attacks came, now more frequent than ever, she felt herself sinking into blackness again and again.

She had to leave, for both of them.

And now, here she was, almost entirely alone and trying to build up the courage to go down into the basement. She was a mess.

She was sick of being Nancy. All of her clothes felt wrong, uncomfortable on her skin. She peeled herself from the bed and began again to rummage through her drawers. Nothing. Everything was memories and hurt and - and someone who didn't exist anymore.

Frustrated, she rose to her feet and in a sudden burst of anger kicked over the nearest thing - her laundry basket. It slumped forwards onto the floor with a soft thud. She sighed, holding her head in her hands, her fingers digging into her scalp.

Defeated, she bent to pick it up then spotted a dark, crumpled shape which had slipped behind it. She pulled the thing up, abandoning the laundry basket, and held it up.

A sweater. Dark, striped, far too big for her. She studied it for a moment, then, without thinking, brought it up to her face and inhaled.

Oh. Yes. She remembered. First the upside down, ash in her mouth, her heart beating to explode and that thing - that awful thing. Then - something else. Those soft, pink memories. The ghost of fear but the sense of a warm body next to hers. Closeness, and then - that smell.

She sniffed the sweater again. Then, instinctively, pulled it over her head.


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nancy braves the basement.

The boys were engrossed in battle by the time Nancy began to make her way downstairs. They had become more used to her presence now, and still made vague attempts to include her in their campaign, which she always rejected. Asking her, even in jest, was all part of their new habits together. Often, Nancy wouldn't even talk much, but would simply sit on the couch with her knees pulled up to her chest. But she listened, the whole time, completely absorbed. She’d jump when Mike unleashed some new monster, gasp when the group was in peril, waited nervously for each role of the dice. Nancy had seemed to find an escape in the fantasy realm just as the boys had, even if she refused to play.

The boys barely even looked up at the soft padding of her feet on the stairs. She crept in behind Mike, giving his shoulder a quick squeeze, then adopted her usual position on the couch. With her knees pulled close, the largeness of the stolen sweater seemed even more apparent. She pulled the too-long sleeves down around her hands, her face burying into the baggy collar almost automatically.

She sat, watching the boys, for almost fifteen minutes before she peered up, and, for a second, made eye contact with Will. She gave him a nervous smile, which he returned, then - his eyes widened.

Shit.

“That’s Jonathan's sweater!”

Shit. Shit. Shit.

She barely had time to open her mouth for a snappy retort before the rest of the boys swivelled in their seats to stare at her. Then they all started talking at once.

“Oh my god!”  
“What about Steve?”  
“Where’d you even-”  
“Oh shit!”  
“Did you guys-?”  
“But what about Steve?!”

  
She sprang up, yelling the first thing that occurred to her - “ _I broke up with_ -” She released she was yelling. “...Steve.” She mumbled, defeated.

  
“And now you’re dating Jonathan?” That was Will.  
“No! No - I’m not. I just…”  
“So how’d you get his sweater?” - Lucas  
“I...I had it. Found it”

  
She could feel her cheeks flushing under the gaze of the kids.  
Dustin broke the silence.  
“Do did you do it?”  
He was met by a chorus of disgust, led by Will and Mike.  
“For God’s sake, don’t answer that!” Pleaded Mike, covering his ears.  
“We didn't! We haven't done - that…”  
“So how’d you get it then?”  
“He left it here. After…”

  
She trailed off. She had told them about her journey through the tree into the Upside Down, hunting for Barb. They immediately fell silent. Slowly, everyone sat back down. Nancy instinctively pulled the sweater up over the lower half of her face, guilty avoiding the boy’s gazes.  
After a few moments, Will broke the silence.

  
“Mike, I thought you said she didn’t like Jonathan?”  
“She did!”  
“I did!”  
Mike and Nancy stared at each other, before Mike shouted over whatever words she was trying to get out. “You said - we promised to tell eachother everything! You lied!”  
“So did you! You said you didn’t have a crush on Ell!”  
Now they all turned to Mike.  
“That’s different!”  
“Like hell it is!”

  
Nancy saw, now, real hurt in Mike’s eyes. Shit.

  
“Look, Mike. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to lie to you. I didn’t even think - I didn’t even realise myself. I was trying not to think about it. But. I get it now. Yeah? When you’ve got to pretend to stop yourself getting -”  
“Getting fucked over.”  
“I was gonna say ‘getting attached’ but...Thanks, Lucas. Yeah. Getting fucked over.”

  
Mike sniffed, silent.

  
Fuck. Times like this, she hated being the big sister. She pulled herself up and moved over to mike, pulling him into an awkward hug. He mumbled something which sounded like “get off” but made no attempt to move away, eventually returning the hug with stiff, little-brother arms.

“Do you uh -” Dustin broke the awkward silence, “Do you wanna play?”

“Um. Yeah. Sure.”

She would be the first to admit, she wasn’t very good at Dungeons and Dragons. Dustin had taken her under his wing and assigned her a character - Nancy had found it hard to focus at first but had become quickly attached. She’d been surprised how quickly Dustin had managed to create a character for her seemingly out of thin air, and tried hard not to notice the pointed looks the other boys were giving her.

A fair half-elf, a royal princess in disguise, Royalty-turned-ranger. Shunned by the fair folk and seeking redemption amongst the lowlier folk of the realm, she has abandoned her elven steel in favour of a cross-bow, her silks and robes in favour of stolen human armour.

With their patient tutelage, Nancy reluctantly began to find herself actually enjoying the game. At first, the monster hunting and strange beasts made the hairs rise on the back of her neck, but soon the fantasy took over and she felt almost at ease for the first time in weeks. Soon, she was completely absorbed, unable to stop the smile which split her face. It hurt, to laugh so much, but she’d missed it.

She nearly jumped out of her seat when her mother’s sharp voice came ringing down the stairs and told them to stop playing and go home. Stood at the top of the stairs, her mom eyed her curiously, concern etched on her face. Nancy was not looking forward to that conversation later. She already knew that her mother - perfect suburban mom - was concerned about Mike’s obsession with the game and had been hoping that his new-found relationship with his sister could drag him out of the basement. She hadn’t been bargaining on it going the other way. She gave Nancy a small, fake smile before disappearing up the stairs.

Nancy rubbed at her face with the sleeves of the sweater, her eyes sore and tired. She sighed. Whatever her mom had to say could wait. She was about to turn to head upstairs herself, when Will stopped her.

“Hey, Nance”

“Yeah?”

She turned around to see all four boys staring at her expectantly, matching grins plastered across their faces.

“...what?” She recognised that look. She didn’t trust it.

Will stepped forwards. “Nancy, could you give me a ride home?”

Nancy looked between them. She sighed.

“I don’t have much of a choice, do I?”

“No, you don’t.”

**Author's Note:**

> So if anyone particularly likes my Nancy/Barb ramblings let me know...might turn it into a proper fic of its own?


End file.
